


The Strange Love of Disembodied Hands

by DefineNormal



Category: Murdoch Mysteries
Genre: F/M, First Time-ish, not quite not, not quite sex, post-episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-04-23 21:47:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19159615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DefineNormal/pseuds/DefineNormal
Summary: Post-ep for Au Naturel. Dominoes indeed. (Title found while researching for this story.)





	1. Chapter 1

_“Julie, I’ve reserved a room for us at the Queens Hotel.”_

  _“William!”_

  _“Under both our names. We will both sign the ledger.”_

“William I-- I can’t ask you to be involved in such a sordid task.”

  _“Julia, I am involved. There’s no question. We both are. In this and in everything.”_

  _“Queens Hotel. Everyone will see us.”_

  _“Witnesses, a signed ledger. That should be all the evidence you need.”_

  _“Are you quite sure you want to do this? You know there will be no going back.”_

  _“I’m sure.”_

  _“So you’re prepared to spend the night together?”_

  _“I’ve brought dominoes.”_

 

* * *

The Queens Hotel lobby was hushed as they checked in, although the night clerk’s eyebrow twitched all the same. It would be difficult for him not to recognize the renowned Detective Murdoch who was, the clerk was quite sure, absolutely unmarried. And yet Julia Ogden stood beside him boldly, watching the clerk with her own narrowed gaze, challenging him to make a remark. He was, however, too seasoned to let anything show and his face was bland as he turned the ledge in Julia’s direction. Her hand did not falter as she signed beside William’s neat script, their little sin now stark on ink and paper.

The bellman took William’s bag and if he found Julia’s lack of luggage unusual he didn’t show it and instead led them up the central stairway the rooms above.

As they ascended Julia wondered when William would come to the very obvious conclusion that this - that she - was not worth it. That he allowed himself to be drawn into something tawdry and deeply below him. Her fear was that he would one day resent her and the things he gave up for her and the thought was singularly terrifying. He must have sensed her discomfort because ss they neared the landing he flexed and drew her nearer, slipping his arm behind her, palm resting possessively (and scandalously) on her hip.  He was, as they say in cards, all in, whatever the outcome.

They waited for the bellman to unlock the door and when William’s lips brushed her temple. Julia swayed on the spot, suddenly unsure _she_ was ready to spend the night with _him_ , dominoes or no.

William, so willing to protect the honor of her body. She, so adamant to protect the honor of his heart. It felt like a cruel temptation of both of them to stand in this luscious hallway, his palm burning through the layers of her suit with the faintest touch. Desire coursed from his fingers to her abdomen and Julia offered a clumsy silent prayer that she not be led into this particular temptation, if only for William’s sake.

And then he was ushering her into the room, the leather bag thumping as the bellman dropped it onto the carpet. The faintest rattle of ivory inside was the only hint of their deception and William loosed Julie, who quickly excused herself to the bedroom.

“We here at the Queens Hotel pride ourselves on our discretion.” The grey-eyed bellman was stone-faced but his fingers twitched in the universal symbol of a tip. The rule was unspoken, William supposed, that he was to buy the man’s silence.

William slapped a coin into the man’s outstretched hands and his lips curled into a small smile. The bellman looked up in mystified shock at what was obviously well below the going rate for a discretion tax. Silence would, of course, defeat their purpose so William simply shrugged and turned away, leaving the bellman to let himself out.

In the parlor William steadied himself with the task of preparing tea, using the simple act to settle his nerves. He was adamant that nothing should happen this night, but Julia tucked to his side, so malleable in his embrace, sorely tested his resolve. As the tea steeped he allowed himself a moment to ruminate on the winding path that had brought them to this time, to this place. They were so much a game of snakes and ladders, boundless steps forward before falling even further apart. If he allowed himself too long to think on the time they’d wasted, he would become morose and he would allow nothing to spoil the mood.

Instead he thought of Julia. His traitorous, eidetic mind flashed over the image of her standing before him in the woods, completely bare. She didn’t even move to cover herself, in spite of her surprise. She simply stood, open and radiant, blinking doe eyes at him that slowly suffused with humor.

She was incandescent and he wanted nothing more than to soar into her light, become enveloped in her warmth. It was a kind of madness, his love for her. His practical, pragmatic approach rendered useless in her gaze. She was Persephone, Artemis and Hecate and Athena. His warrior goddess, guardian of the dead, magical and mystical and practical.

And, when she emerged from the bedroom, she was ethereal. She had removed her coat, hat and pins and her hair flowed freely over her shoulders. Her face was washed absolutely clean, and she had loosed a few buttons. She looked so much younger, so much freer in that moment. It reminded him of that night in the park, the same flush running up her throat.  He was entranced by the skin of her neck, knowing exactly how glorious it tasted.

“You should get comfortable.” Her words broke through his stupor and William found her staring at him with humor in her gaze. Caught but not particularly sorry, he excused himself to the bedroom and closed the door behind him with a soft snick.

Julia let out a long breath and fiddled with the pearl buttons at her wrist, her mind lost in William. With a defeated sigh she collapsed on the couch, suddenly realizing exactly how difficult the entire evening would be. They were two hard-headed trains on a collision course with fate and she hoped they would make it through unscathed. But already her heart pounded and her throat was dry, made only more Saharan when William entered the room undone, no longer a laced up and proper detective but a man.

She hadn’t seen him in such a state of deshabille since...that night. The night she dreamed about for months after it happened and often in the years since. She remembered every detail - the weight of him pressing her into the soft earth. The verdant smell of the park, sharp in the cooling evening. His tongue slipping past her lips tasting of absinthe and peanut butter and rendering her putty beneath his hands. She had been the saner head that night but years of sharp desire and extended overture made her doubt her sanity where William Murdoch was concerned.

And yet she no more wanted to tempt him into sin than he wanted to lead her to commit adultery. Perhaps he would be the cooler head and keep his distance. She was not sure she could tell him no if he asked.

Of course, he wouldn’t ask.

He looked down at her, his chin tucked to his chest, a rascally smile on his face. He looked a naughty child, completely unrepentant, and her breath caught.

He _wouldn’t_ ask. Would he?

He sat carefully beside her and studied her face. His dark-lined eyes blinked slowly as the drew across her features. Tentatively he reached for a curl, lifting it on his fingertip as though a droplet of water, simply holding it there. And then he leaned forward, his breath slipping over her cheek and sending a tingle down her back to settle low in her belly.

“We should play the game, Julia.” He murmured.

_Oh but William_ , she thought. _We already are_.


	2. Chapter 2

They sat in front of the fireplace, the ivory tiles spread out before them. They had long since given up keeping score, barely even paying attention as they laid out the tiles, point and counterpoint. Julia was regaling him with anecdotes from her days with the nudists, her fascination with their ideas infectious.

“I’m telling you William. It was almost uncomfortable to dress again. Even Constable Crabtree said as much. I had no idea how freeing it would be…”

“I won’t say it didn’t suit you.” William chuckled and Julia laughed aloud, delighted by his charming roguery. She shifted onto her hip and her foot peeked out from below her skirt. Unable to stop himself, William reach out to touch a finger to her bare toes, fascinated by the pink flesh. With a yelp, Julie dragged her foot once more beneath her skirt but it was too late. Williams face transformed from surprise to calculating.

“Julia Ogden. Are you ticklish?” His fingers slipped beneath the hem of her skirt and she tensed away from him.

“Of course not.” She tried to sound imperious but there was a waver in her tone as she felt his hand brush her ankle.

“Are you telling me the truth?” He asked, his long fingers wrapping around the delicate ankle and tugging.

“Yes.” She resisted the pull and the motion dragged her towards him. Her eyes widened as his hand reached higher, briefly, before descending to brush across the sole of her foot. “No.”

Her yelp was bright and bloomed into riotous giggles as she struggled to move away, his fingers dancing over her foot only to pull away and land on her waist.

“William!” She gasped but it was suffused with surprised amusement. She tried to sound stern. “Stop at once.”

He stilled immediately and Julia laughed again, attempting her own counter attack in his acquiescence. Realizing his mistake, he redoubled his efforts and they grappled in the firelight, dominoes completely forgotten.

They giggled like children until Julia managed the upper hand, twisting until she was above William. She felt him give in at once as she pinned his arms beside his head and sat straddling his abdomen. They were breathing hard and flushed, their clothes completely mussed.

She couldn’t help herself. Just a taste, she promised, even as she nipped gently at his chin.

“Julia,” He warned, low and dangerous, the teasing play of moments before evaporating in the sudden heat between them.

“I know.” She sighed but placed a soft kiss over the reddened skin then moved to nip and peck again. “I just…want…”

He could imagine what she wanted. He wanted the same thing, something she would discover if she leaned back even slightly. And yet he felt no shame, no real remorse. She knew, had known for years, how he desired her. She’d spoken pragmatically of male arousal more times than he cared to remember and knew she would find it nothing to be ashamed of.

For he was not ashamed. Not of loving her, or helping her to win her divorce. He would wrestle with his conscience and his God, of course, but he knew loving Julia was not and never would be a sin.

The things she was doing with her tongue, however, were most definitely sinful and he caught her lips with his, stilling her wicked temptation.

She fell into the kiss, as she always did, abandoning his arms to thread her fingers into his hair, tunneling through the dark silk and drawing him closer and deeper into the kiss. She scratched at his scalp gently and he vibrated beneath her, his own hands reaching up to dip into her long curls.

They stayed that way for moments or maybe hours, tasting and touching, desire ratcheting between them but remaining a low simmer. Then William turned, pulling Julia beneath him, and resting himself between her thighs. Her eyes widened before slipping shut, his arousal pressed against her, hot even with the layers of cloth between.

“We should stop.” Julia said at the same time Willam spoke, saying just the opposite. Julia’s lids snapped open in shock and they dissolved into helpless laughter. It seemed as though they were always at cross-purposes, even when they meant not to be.

“I have,” Adorably, in spite of their intimate position, he blushed through his giggles. “Prophylactics.”

“Oh William,” She sighed and pressed her forehead to his, desire to have him and desire to protect him locked in mortal battle. “But what about-”

“It doesn’t matter.” He cut her off, urgently. “I love you, Julia.”

“And I love you.”

“But?” He moved to put some distance between them, taking a few steadying gulps of air.

“Don’t go.” She whispered, holding onto the sleeve of his shirt and sitting up with him, thinking more clearly now he’d moved away. “You know I want this, William. More than anything?”

He nodded. “But we promised.”

“We did.” She agreed, but reached up to toy with the buttons of his shirt just the same. “But there are other ways…”

Before Julia, before so many things, William’s world was stark black and white. Good and bad. Holy and sinful. But years studying people, their loves and losses and heartbreaks and motivations taught William that things were not always quite just so. Science may always be absolute, but the human heart was not. And none taught him that lesson more thoroughly than Julia, who constantly challenged him. She didn’t challenge him to change, but she did expect him to open his mind and heart. The world, William realized, was no longer black and white or even shades of gray. It was filled with many shades of love and honor, loyalty and sadness.

There were many shades, too, of desire.

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, hey angst. Sorry 'bout that.

_There were many shades, too, of desire._

 

“You mean…” He made a vague sort of rubbing motion with his hands and then quickly dropped them. 

 It was Julia’s turn to flush sweetly. It fascinated William that his usually forthright Julia would be - even could be - embarrassed. Especially when she seemed to enjoy making him uncomfortable with her frank talk. 

Without another word she stood and took his hand, leading him to the sofa. With a soft push to his chest he sat then watched with wide eyes as Julia straddled his hips and nestled her abdomen to his. As she settled her weight, her breath hitched and William groaned at the intimate  contact, even separated by layers of cloth. 

With shaking fingers she undid the buttons of her blouse, exposing her underthings to William’s gaze. The charmeuse dropped off her shoulders to gather at her elbows. Want arced between them when William traced the line of delicate lace first with his gaze and then with his finger. He was so entranced by the pale skin he didn’t quite notice what Julia was doing until she pushed his own shirt from his shoulders. She mimicked his actions, tracing along his throat with a featherlight touch, pads of her fingertips pausing over his racing pulse. 

And then there was only the harsh pattern of their breathing as their mouths slanted against each other, biting and suckling and tasting flesh long denied them. It seemed ages - had been years - since Julia felt the hot moisture pool between her thighs so readily. Disentangling her arms from the confines of her delicate blouse she rucked at her skirt, cursing aloud at the volumes of fabric. 

“Julia?” William questioned against her throat when she cursed again, the word followed by a soft chuckle as he helped her push the skirt out of the way and his palms found their way to her thighs. Her sigh was pure relief as she rocked against him, pressing herself into his hardness. William’s laughter died into a throaty groan and he shifted his hips against her. 

They moved clumsily, drunk with desire and Julia felt as though she were chasing a wisp through the darkness, always just out of reach. Her breaths were shallow gasps, just barely enough air, ending on hiccups not unlike sobs. 

She wanted weightlessness and freedom. She wanted ecstasy and release. She wanted it all to be over. She wanted her life back. She closed her mouth over William’s lips and her eyes were so tightly shut she saw stars. Her fingers twisted in William’s cotton undershirt and she rocked wantonly and it was only when she felt him shake her slightly that she opened her eyes.

His face was full of concern, even as desire flickered in the clenching of his jaw and his hips jerked slightly beneath her. 

“Julia, are you alright?” He asked, holding her still by her elbows.

“I…” Julia began to pull away, suddenly horrified at her behavior. She’d known it was tempting fate to be alone with him. She’d known her own cursed libido would get them in trouble again. She’d known the draw of sex, especially with William, was too much for her to resist. She remembered her father’s words to her, one long ago afternoon when he’d bailed her out for swimming in the nude with fellow students. He had warned her that her looseness with her body would spell disaster for her...and whatever hapless man hitched himself to her careening wagon. 

“I’m sorry, William. I shouldn’t have…”

“Julia, do you think I’m not enjoying this?” He asked with a touch of humor, gazing down to where their hips joined.

“No. Yes. No…” She bit her lip and felt the smallest tear escape the corner of her eye and she bit her lip harder, willing herself not to fall into an emotional breakdown, half naked in William Murdoch’s lap. She was fairly certain he didn’t have a great deal of experience with women and it would no doubt be a blow for her to sob uncontrollably when they were in such a position.

“I’ve hurt you.” He said dully and she cursed his observant mind. He made to stand, pressing gently against her shoulders to remove her from her lap.

“God, no. William. No.” She squeezed her thighs against his hips and they both whimpered at the contact. 

“You’re crying.” At a loss as to what to do with his hands, he placed them gingerly on her lower back, making smoothing, delicate passes meant to calm her. 

“I’m angry.” His head rocked back as if struck a blow and she clarified. “At myself. For temping you this way. I know full well you want to wait and yet here we are.”

“Julia,” He could say so much with just her name, indicating surprise, irritation, questioning and, just now, tenderness.

“There is so much I want, William. I want to start again... with a clean slate. I want never to have married Darcy and put us all in this untenable situation. I want to marry you. I want to…” She faltered and blushed again, wondering how to delicately put it. “I’ve been so lonely William. So terribly lonely. And it seems I’ll be lonely for so much longer and I just want… I just need….”

“Release.” William supplied, nodding in that insufferable way, with the pleasure of solving a mystery. 

“I know you don’t understand--” He cut her off, looking both mildly angry and definitely affronted.

“You think I don’t understand?” He snatched her hand and placed it over his crotch, to the straining muscle beneath. “Believe me, I understand.”

Julia couldn’t help but giggle nervously and drew her hand away slowly, just slightly caressing him. She was rewarded by his eyelids fluttering but he determinedly held her gaze. 

“Wanting you, and not having you, is the most difficult thing I’ve had to endure, Julia.” He grabbed her hand again but this time laced their fingers together. “Because I, too, need to begin anew. And the Lord above knows how lonely I’ve been as well.” 

She pressed her forehead to his, clutching at the lifeline of his fingers. 

“So what do we do?”

“I’m attempting to help with Darcy, with the new beginning, with the clean slate. But that is going to take time.” He coughed slightly and cleared his throat. “But I believe we can help each other with the other thing. The...ah...release.”

And then she felt the backs of his fingers against her, had not noticed his free hand slip beneath the bunched fabric at her waist. Just a tentative brush, a pause, then a more forceful rub, his knuckles bumping her bundle of nerves and making her jump. 

He looked askance, his beautiful face upturned and so filled with adoration that she melted against him, pressing against his hand. She caught his wrist and held him there, pumping her hips, searching for the right amount of pressure and timing. One hand holding him against her sex, the other clutching his shoulder for balance, she ground against his hand and sought out his lips for a deep kiss. And as desperate and wild as it had been earlier, her orgasm crested easily, surprising her and making her gasp into his mouth. She’d been sure it would take longer, her own apprehension and guilt making it seem impossible and yet there she was, drifting with only William’s hands to keep her anchored.  

“Oh my,” She said at last and when her eyes could focus again, she found William staring at her with wonderment. “What?”

“I love you,” He answered simply and leaned forward to kiss her once more, this one the epitome of chaste even as he removed his moist hand from beneath her. 

“I’ll be able to move in a moment,” She said, and she almost didn’t recognize her own voice, deep and mellow and oh so fulfilled. “And then I can return the favor.”

“You don’t have to…” William, her galant William. So quick to give, never to receive. Not this time, she promised herself.  And so, good to her word, when she had full command of her faculties once more she extracted herself from his embrace and dropped to kneel in front of him. His eyes went wide as marbles and he tried to object but it was half-hearted at best. By the time she closed her mouth over him, he could only agree with her soundly.

“Yes. Yes. YES!”

 

* * *

 

The fire burned low and the room was chilled, but neither William or Julia were particularly interested in moving.  She was curled into her intended’s side, head curled against his shoulder. He dozed peacefully, a faint smile on his luscious lips. It would be morning soon and time for them to walk brazenly out the front door, tousled and creased, lending further credence to what was no longer _exactly_ a fictional rendezvous. 

And yet for the first time in uncountable days, Julia felt hope blooming in her chest. The road in front of them would not be easy, and there would no doubt be further obstacles in her way. But she believed with William by her side, there would be nothing she couldn’t conquer. 

Perhaps, even, she would be Mrs Murdoch within the year!

With that happy thought, she allowed herself to doze. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what I'm doing with my life. Writing for this dumb show that I discovered less than a month ago and that appears to have the world's tiniest fandom but it is what it is I guess. I mean, I might have died if I discovered it years ago and had to live through God's Honest Longest Simmering Slow Burn On Fucking Earth.
> 
> Is this what I believe happened? Nope. Is this what I wish happened? YES HOWDY. Actually I just wanted them to live in sin and shock everyone and I regret entirely that Darcy never had to watch them make out because I'm Totally Rude like that.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N - I started this series two weeks ago and I'm well past this episode. However this whole night has been fascinating and I can't seem to get it out of my head. I've learned that means I need to exorcise my demons with a spot of fic. This will be 2 or 3 parts, depending.


End file.
